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The Road Less Traveled

Is there really “a road less traveled” when any hour of the day the traffic is unbearable and the bike path is loaded with lunatics on segways? Why don’t you write the mayor? someone says as if that will do anything. I’d get my pea coat on and head out to sea if it wasn’t full of trash.  Stay at home and watch tv maybe there’s something good on or take to the Internet and watch people chase their tails and see the circular arguments go round and round and round (fuck you NO fuck you etc. etc. etc.).  The age of overrun is upon us where every idea has been used and everything and everyone is overwhelmed by the sheer mass of people, ideas, crap, shit that surrounds us. We have to get off this planet which is about to collapse from the sheer weight of all the stupidity.  One final stupid song or billy the bigmouth bass novelty item and this whole thing is going to collapse.  The world will end not in some great conflagration but in the groaning agony of not be able to support one more vacuous idea, thing, saying whatever you want to call it. It will wear down and just finally stop with a creak and a whimper. 

Monkey and the Engineer

ImageThere is a song called Monkey and the Engineer. The Engineer leaves the train unattended and the Monkey drives the train. It’s too late for the Engineer to stop the Monkey. It turns out that the Monkey can handle the train and the Engineer is probably out of a job.  John Henry couldn’t keep up with the machine. He died trying.  The Engineer is being replaced by a Monkey. This apparently is not as tragic. No one dies but then again the Engineer has learned valuable information about his job — his life’s work — a monkey can do it.  On the other hand, the Monkey has realized his potential: he is self-actualized.  Can a monkey do your job?

No Birds Here

I am not a bird. I do not tweet.

Non-Dairy Reincarnation

Ugh. So tired that I can barely write however write I must in order to mark the time before I shuffle off the mortal coil.  It must be amazing when the inner monologue stops at the time of death. Then again, there are those that never have it going. If they never have it going (the inner monologue) then they must be closer to death in the sense that they understand the final silence. But what if it’s just more of the same when you die? There are people all over in their graves thinking thinking thinking continue to think about what they did, even what they’ll do now that they’re dead and finally have more free time. That is, if they are not reincarnated. Wouldn’t that be a bitch? You finally have time to collect your thoughts and all of sudden you’re an Irish Setter. I wouldn’t doubt it. Tell me if you find out.

Bernie Sahlins

My only encounter with Bernie Sahlins was at the 50th anniversary of The Second City. I was chatting with someone and turned to see Bernie Sahlins looking at me. He said, “Get out of my way.”  He was kind of smiling when he said it. I stepped aside. That’s it.


Reading instructions is a path to enlightenment. Possibly. When you read instructions you are letting go of ego and admitting you do not know.There is a wonderful feeling of liberation as you are guided by the instructions. There are instructions everywhere.  A bag of chips does not provide instructions but they do give you “dip ideas”.  A coffee can warns you that the edges are sharp and a jar of peanut butter informs you that the container may not be able to be recycled.  Maybe reading instructions is a sign of low self-esteem? You can’t figure it out on your own or you’re so insecure that you need someone else to tell you what to do. Instructions may be present to avoid litigation or for marketing purposes. Perhaps the motivation is purely  out of generosity or self-aggrandizement.  Dozens of people post videos concerning how to do all sorts of things and they don’t get paid. Maybe it’s human nature to tell others what or how to do something. What I enjoy (and maybe in a sarcastic/critical way) is seeing what and how something is explained. This is the product:  here’s how you use it and our suggestions. Good ideas. Everyone has them. In the cemetery, every grave marker should include, along with the usual name and dates of birth and death,  instructions.  One short sentence providing a little guidance to the reader either about how to view the deceased or how to live. Your choice to follow the instructions.

Hot and Cold

nedaspigot-thWhen I was little I used to imagine that the hot and cold water worked like this:
Cold water was piped in and there was a whole crew managing the operation. As you turned the cold water to a colder position the water had to come from further north until finally it came from an iceberg near the North Pole. This was the best water to drink. Then if you selected hot water the crew had to switch operations and get the water from the South where it got hotter and hotter until finally it came from a stream in the jungles of the Amazon. This water was boiling hot. The crew had a tough job and I imagined them calling down the line — “we need colder water come on get the stuff from the iceberg. Watch out for killer whales!” or “We need hotter water get down to that stream in the jungle and watch out for snakes!” They served … and with dedication. I salute them.