Monthly Archives: June 2013

No Birds Here

I am not a bird. I do not tweet.


Non-Dairy Reincarnation

Ugh. So tired that I can barely write however write I must in order to mark the time before I shuffle off the mortal coil.  It must be amazing when the inner monologue stops at the time of death. Then again, there are those that never have it going. If they never have it going (the inner monologue) then they must be closer to death in the sense that they understand the final silence. But what if it’s just more of the same when you die? There are people all over in their graves thinking thinking thinking continue to think about what they did, even what they’ll do now that they’re dead and finally have more free time. That is, if they are not reincarnated. Wouldn’t that be a bitch? You finally have time to collect your thoughts and all of sudden you’re an Irish Setter. I wouldn’t doubt it. Tell me if you find out.

Bernie Sahlins

My only encounter with Bernie Sahlins was at the 50th anniversary of The Second City. I was chatting with someone and turned to see Bernie Sahlins looking at me. He said, “Get out of my way.”  He was kind of smiling when he said it. I stepped aside. That’s it.


Reading instructions is a path to enlightenment. Possibly. When you read instructions you are letting go of ego and admitting you do not know.There is a wonderful feeling of liberation as you are guided by the instructions. There are instructions everywhere.  A bag of chips does not provide instructions but they do give you “dip ideas”.  A coffee can warns you that the edges are sharp and a jar of peanut butter informs you that the container may not be able to be recycled.  Maybe reading instructions is a sign of low self-esteem? You can’t figure it out on your own or you’re so insecure that you need someone else to tell you what to do. Instructions may be present to avoid litigation or for marketing purposes. Perhaps the motivation is purely  out of generosity or self-aggrandizement.  Dozens of people post videos concerning how to do all sorts of things and they don’t get paid. Maybe it’s human nature to tell others what or how to do something. What I enjoy (and maybe in a sarcastic/critical way) is seeing what and how something is explained. This is the product:  here’s how you use it and our suggestions. Good ideas. Everyone has them. In the cemetery, every grave marker should include, along with the usual name and dates of birth and death,  instructions.  One short sentence providing a little guidance to the reader either about how to view the deceased or how to live. Your choice to follow the instructions.

Hot and Cold

nedaspigot-thWhen I was little I used to imagine that the hot and cold water worked like this:
Cold water was piped in and there was a whole crew managing the operation. As you turned the cold water to a colder position the water had to come from further north until finally it came from an iceberg near the North Pole. This was the best water to drink. Then if you selected hot water the crew had to switch operations and get the water from the South where it got hotter and hotter until finally it came from a stream in the jungles of the Amazon. This water was boiling hot. The crew had a tough job and I imagined them calling down the line — “we need colder water come on get the stuff from the iceberg. Watch out for killer whales!” or “We need hotter water get down to that stream in the jungle and watch out for snakes!” They served … and with dedication. I salute them.

Lumberjack Legend?

Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox

Paul and Babe in Wisconsin
photo by Jenni Konrad

Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox are folklore legends or so people would have us believe. Some say though that they were manufactured for marketing purposes from loose legends surrounding the woodsmen of the North. Naturally when I mention woodsmen Brawny comes to mind but we’ll leave him out of this.  Paul Bunyan traveled throughout the land with his blue ox Babe. They not only are responsible for decimating native habitat through Bunyan’s logging but then Babe stamps out any plants that may try to re-establish themselves. As if that’s not enough, they add insult to injury every time they answer “nature’s call”  leaving behind an EPA clean up site. We haven’t even considered how much methane they produce. And yet they are legendary. Be careful about legends. Especially large ones.


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